If one knows me well enough, they will know that Katy Perry is my idol, my life saver. For years I have absolutely loved her and her songs but it wasn’t until I was at my worst that she actually had a huge impact on my life.
Katy has a song called “By the Grace of God” – if one reads the lyrics carefully they will see that the song is around suicide and love and letting god help her rise above it. This song has a an enormous impact and meaning to me and my life. Her songs got me through many of my lowest times but this song especially “By the Grace of God” is the reason why I am still breathing today.
There is one night in particular that I remember quite clearly where I first discovered this song. I was in a dark, dark place, I was in my bathroom at home and I couldn’t see the light. I had a blade in my hand and you can only imagine what comes next. I had my I-pod on shuffle and Katy’s song came on and it stopped me in my tracks. I dropped the blade, fell to my knees and just broke down. I listened to Katy’s song on repeat until I felt I could go to bed and sleep peacefully for the night.
So now when I am going through a rough time, feel there is no other way out I will listen to her song and it gives me that hope I need. Not only is it her songs that get my through, its also her one on one interviews talking about her personal life and experiences.
Thought I wasn’t enough
Found I wasn’t so tough
Laying on the bathroom floor
By the grace of God
There was no other way
I picked myself back up
I knew I had to stay
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror
And decided to stay
These lines of her song really hits deep as I can relate to them so much. Looking in the mirror was one of the hardest things to do- especially when I felt this low. So many times I just wanted to break the glass I was looking into and use the remaining glass to end it all.
I’m not afraid to say that I still struggle with these kinds of thoughts. Yes there are times I could easily act on them but I just have to remind myself that I have gotten through it before and I will get through it again.
For anyone who is struggling. Keep going and stay strong. It’s okay to say you are not ok. I am here for you.