Many people know how to express themselves physically, emotionally and verbally. Many people have healthy ways of doing this but this is something I struggle with a lot. My whole life I have been the type of person to bottle things up, not let anyone in and to do it on my own. It’s only been over the past couple weeks that I have began to open up and let people in. It hasn’t been easy -that’s all I can say and often I feel that it’s easier when only I know and only I have to deal with it but 99.9% of the time I am wrong.
Often when asked what’s going through my head, what I’m feeling or thinking I just freeze. I know what I want to say but I cannot put it into words. I find music and writing are the only things that help me get out what is inside my head.
Relationships haven’t been my strong point in my life. I’ve never had a serious relationship and my longest relationship was just under 7 months. All of my relationships have been abusive in some form or another so I have never experienced a positive, long lasting serious relationship. I hope one day I get to experience a positive, long lasting relationship.
My head is constantly racing which makes it 10x harder to express myself. There are often times where writing doesn’t even help me release what is going on inside me. I often get to a point where I just give up on trying to express my thoughts and feelings. I feel that sometimes it’s easier for me to keep it to myself.
Even writing this post is extremely hard for me because I am trying to find the right words to put into sentences that makes sense about what is going on in my head. I just want to be able to say it out loud how I feel and my thoughts. I hope one day I can do it because I can’t write it for the rest of my life..