For so long I have always tried to see the best in people, the good in people and have faith in them that they are good people. For so long I have given people one too many chances, given them more than what they gave me and opened up myself to being hurt, betrayed and broken by telling them about myself and my past.
For so long I have always trusted that when someone says they will always be there for you that it was true but in reality it’s all false. No one is there for you at early hours of the morning when your demons come out to play, no one is there when there is something wrong and half of the people don’t even give two shits, they are only curious or want gossip. Sometimes family are the only ones you can rely on and trust.
Over the last several months I have come across some pretty shitty people, people who I thought would always be there for me when I needed someone, people who I thought genuinely cared about me and wanted to be friends with me. Once again, I was wrong, I met girls who just wanted to put me down and make me feel as bad as them, girls who were jealous and would make me feel bad about what I did, what I would wear or who I spoke/hung out with. Unfortunately, I also met some very shitty boys who I had way too much hope, faith and trust in. I say boys because boys is all they are, they aren’t men. A man wouldn’t use and abuse girls, they wouldn’t play with girls feelings, they wouldn’t be immature. A man would show a girl how they deserve to be treated, they wouldn’t mess with your feelings and most of all they wouldn’t be immature.
99.9% of the boys I have come across over the last several months have just proved to me that they are all the same. They only want one thing (SEX) and once they get it they want nothing to do with you until the next time they are horny and need pleasuring. Even when they say to you “I’m here for you no matter what okay, what we have is special and I want to help and be someone you can talk to” ALL A BIG FAT LIE…. I met a guy a few months ago who I ended up falling for and he knew how I felt but kept leading me on, he knew some of the things I was going through and said he would always be there for a chat. Well where was he when I was at my lowest at 3am in the morning, where was he when I needed someone to hang out with instead of hurting myself – EXACTLY NOWHERE. Once I let people in and they find out more than just the surface with me they run off and don’t come back.
I give way too much to people, give myself too easily and trust too quickly. I’m sick and tired of people, boys especially treating me like I am stupid. I’m a capable 20year old woman who needs no boy. I am no longer opening myself up to people who don’t deserve it, who don’t fight for me and actually want to get to know me for who I am. If you want to know about me and my past then show me you mean it. I am done with boys, done with finding someone who I can call mine, done with toxic people in my life. I am done fighting for people who don’t even give the time of day to message me or hang out with me. If you want me in your life, step up and fight for me to be in it because I am done… NO MORE!!!!