Everyone has scars, whether they are emotional or physical. We all live with scars. I feel that sometimes the physical ones are the hardest to live with.
I never thought that I would be living with physical scars that are from self infliction. I have tried and tried to accept my scars and use them as a strength, as a uniqueness. But I just cant. There are days where I am proud of how far I have come, I don’t let them bother me but then there are days when they just make me feel so so bad, so pathetic, so weak, so ugly, like a failure.
I had this goal on how I wanted to look and I have just ruined all of it by scarring my body. I look at other girls and their bodies and they have no one noticeable scar, I envy them because they can look good in swimmers, shorts and they can show off their bodies without a worry in the world. I can’t even put on swimmers without worrying about how ugly my scars look. How my thighs stand out so much because of my scars, when the weather changes, my scars change too and I absolutely hate it. It’s a constant battle between wanting to get rid of my scars and keeping them.
I sometimes feel that no one is going to want me or love me with scars when they can get such a gorgeous girl without physical scars. I hate when I have to edit photos to hide my identity by getting rid of my scars and tattoos. I love the way I look in edited photos without my hip tattoo and without my scars.. If only I looked like that in real life.
I honestly can’t seem to forgive myself for what I have done to myself. I want to but there is something stopping me. I just want to feel beautiful with my scars and no worry about them anymore. I don’t want them to stop me from feeling beautiful. Everyone deserves to feel on top of the world and to feel beautiful.
Stay Strong xo