You know how some people get a buzz or a high from caffeine ?
that’s what it feels like for me right now. My mind is just racing. My whole body feels like it’s on a high, I talk faster, work faster, walk and eat faster etc. I’ve had people ask me if I’ve had a coffee today- my answer is “No” – it’s borderline yet no one understands it or is even willing to try to understand it.
Even though my body is racing and on a high it’s like I don’t have the energy to explain to people how I feel or even how to do certain things at work. All I can say to them is “I’m stressed” that’s the easiest thing for me to say- as it covers a wide variety of emotions.
I feel that my body just gets too worked up or hyped up and I can’t stop, it’s like I need a weight to slow me down.
All I want right now is to be cuddled up on a couch on my comfy PJs watching a movie. Calming my body and mind down, telling myself that whatever is going on for me right now is all going to be ok.
My body and mind feel like a natural disaster has just happened and you have all the aftermath of the disaster to clean up, e.g. walking into a town after a flood- stuff scattered everywhere, not knowing where to start to clean. That’s exactly how my mind and body feels – it all feels scattered and mis placed, messy. It’s like I don’t know how to start cleaning up, start sorting the thoughts or feelings, start to slow everything down.
I then get a fast fluttering feeling in my chest- like high anxiety but also like I need to move and keep moving. When I’m like this it’s like I need to keep moving my body, even if it’s just my fingers or toes.
Other people trigger me even more, cause me to find it harder to slow everything down. It rises my high, makes it worse! Makes everything feel faster, fast paced.
Can someone just hold me down and calm me down, help me learn to breathe again. Be there with me while I’m on my high, help me slow it all down. Even if it’s for a bit. Help me be in the present, acknowledging my surroundings, focusing on the things I can hear, smell, touch, taste and see. Focus on those 5 senses. Bring me back from my high.
And yes, after my high I’ll have a low, I’ll be tired, angry or even anxious. Let me be, but also be with me. Hold me, soothe me, keep me from falling down lower. Keep me present. Once Ive slowed down, maybe just maybe will I be ready to discuss how I feel, maybe even vent. Just let me do it and don’t say anything until I’m done.